Watching him go
It ended, its been ended for a long time but we are still here.
In one way and the other, still circling each other, our kids, the stuff of our life.
I am watching him go, I see him slowly stepping back, I'm still here, he keeps going, I know. He has a new she. He has gone.
Yet I am still watching him go, witnessing myself watching him distance.
Traction, movement, heat, poor sleep and vulnerability makes that sad.
I will miss him when he takes that bigger step, not as much as people expect. But I will miss all the stuff of him, not knowing the hills he is walking up, the critique of the cluttered kitchen sides and the little bits of familial gossip.
I won't exist in whatever this is today, I am not mature enough for this, for she, to tea. She will notice his emotional distance, I want nice things for him, I am sure I do. Nice things without me, he already has those.
Then there is me and then what?