Him
I no longer want him to hold that central place, he still does, he knows it without ego because I am pretty sure he would actually love to disconnect in a way that he is unable to articulate. You see love, (whilst at war) is a deeply rooted place, it is immediate, private and intoxicating in a way that makes it hard to escape and he homed my war for more years than he knew what to do with. He watched it playing out time and time again at different points, he would tell me to be less at war whilst being at my side in my war, whilst likely deeply conflicted between a love for a woman at war and the knowledge that there was nothing that he could do. So he is still there although he isn't his space in my war still exists in every silent scream and every clenched jaw, you see it is hard for us in the trenches to let others share which means it is hard for us to watch someone climb out. He left. But he stayed, he is at conflict because there is guilt, understanding, love, respect and a deep knowledge that he needed to leave me to my own war... His war is less than mine, its there laden in different material,just not as heavy, fragmented or disbling as mine. Thats him.